Editing Treatments




Getting feedback for my treatments I found out the scope section of the treatment was wrong. This is because I put the scope as what had to be done for the deadline so the checklist of the stuff we needed before the deadline. When in fact the scope is the scale of the idea, therefore I changed the scope to explain explain my ideas on what the three scripts would be in a later production. So the first script would be a short animated film, the second a feature film and the third script would be a TV series. So I have explained why my ideas will be made into these different medias and how the scale of the idea will impact the people working on it.


Final Scripts

After looking through and editing my scripts I was able to come up with a finalised script idea for each of my three ideas. Mainly checking through spelling and adding some extra dialogue in some of the scenes I was able to make some interesting script ideas from my original ideas.  I haven’t really changed much from the scripts because getting feedback from my peers, they said that they were all good and made sense.

Most of the changes were spelling and grammar, which I had already thought about changing. Reading through these final scripts I still have not added the camera angles, this is because as I’m writing the scripts, it would be the role of the cinematographer to add in all the camera angles and transitions into the scenes helping to visualise the story. For each of these scripts I have only made simple changes like adding additional dialogue or having a extra action because some of the scenes felt like they were lacking in some actions or the dialogue seemed a little rushed. Although my scripts are suppose to be in the area of 5-10 pages I have done 11 pages for each one because the amount of detail I was going for in each of the scripts was not able to fit it all in 10 pages.

Final script PDFs (below)

The Foolish Thief (draft) V2

Consumed By Metal (Draft) V2

Fears from the Sun (draft) V2

Looking through my scripts I think that next time I should make a number of changes to my process. For instance when writing the scripts I should have the treatments already made so then I can use the whole story to plan a script instead of going off individual ideas that I have made previously. Furthermore I think that having a rough idea for some of the camera angles before doing the storyboards would allow me to have a reference for what part of the scene has a specific shot rather than going off what I have just read. Finally I think that getting feedback earlier on would have allowed me to develop my ideas further compared to feedback from just my scripts, as using feedback for my ideas and planning may have allowed me to add some additional changes to the ideas and scripts. But overall I like how my scripts have come out as they show a interesting part to each narrative and have some different genres, characters and dialogue to show the different variation in my ideas.

Editing Scripts

The Foolish Thief script editing

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Above is a slideshow showing the different edits I have added to the script drafts in order to make the script more interesting. Looking through this script I have added some very simple add ons including; changing the actions and some of the dialogue. Plus I have added some spelling and corrects to some of the words that have been auto corrected. Because I wrote the drafts on my Ipad with the Celtx app, I had words that automatically changed to something else, but I may not have noticed them all. So going through and reading the script I have gone over with a red pen adding simple changes to the draft.

Consumed by Metal editing

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With this script I have edited some of the actions, dialogue and general spelling and grammar. The issues I found in the script drafts were that some of the words were not the right ones or some parts to my script have been auto corrected. Going over the script with a red pen I was able to add some extra actions or parts to the dialogue to allow me to make some of the conversations more appealing to read. Furthermore looking through some of the pages I found that some parts to this text needed some extra actions to describe the scene to the audience. Plus at the very end of the script I added a extra action where the crowd run away from robot Damien as he bursts out of the school and shoots lasers at the crowd.

Fear of the sun editing

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This is the final script I edited, where I have used my red pen to go through all of the script editing each scene. Furthermore I have edited some of the basic words and sentences to make the script more interesting. Plus I have made some simple changes like the other scripts to make it more interesting.

Looking through all these scripts I have made some simple edits adding some adaptations to the spelling and grammar. Plus I have edited the actions so that some of the scenes seem more interesting and so they make sense. These simple edits have made the script more interesting to read because the scene makes more sense and in doing so explains the story more interesting. I think that theses edited scripts are better than the originals because although there is not really any changes to the script themselves the general idea of the narrative is more appealing to read. Next I shall use these adaptations to add them in celtx to make the scripts more appealing to read and help to tell the story to the target audience.

Fear of the Sun storyboards

Using the draft script for the fear of the sun idea I have made these storyboards fore the last scene in the script. In this scene the crew including Frankie, Jessica, Harrison and bobby go down to corridor B to find pod 04 which has been damaged or reported by NOVA as damaged. Getting a call from the boys Frankie and Jessica who were looking at the other pods, rushed over to find a huge crack in the pod and they all realised something or someone might have got out early.  As the captain and NOVA look on the cameras to see whats happening the stone creature comes up on screen making the captain jump with a fright. After Nova scans the creatures they tell the crew to get out of the corridor as the creature is fast approaching. However while the others are talking on the comms, Frankie wanders off to investigate a strange noise at the end of the corridor. But when the crew look around to find Frankie all they hear is a scream for the end of the corridor and they all rush off to go find her.


Having all my scripts drafted and story boarded I can now go onto developing my scripts by getting feedback from my peers to help me with some ideas on how the script may need some improvements. Glancing over them myself I can see that I will need to check spelling and grammar in some of the scenes. Furthermore in this idea some of the storyboards are not in the script as I added them in later, so my next task will be to go through my scripts and add any additional ideas that may help to build the stories. Plus I will edit anything that seems to be incorrect in terms of spelling and I shall read through the script drafts to make sure they make sense.

Consumed by Metal storyboards

Here I have drawn out storyboards for the second idea where I have chosen the 2nd scene in the script. So using the draft as a guide I was able to use that to visualise the story and the key points in the scene, that would help the story. So in this scene Damien has just woken up after being passed out. Rubbing his head Damien tries to get up but the alarm bell goes off leaving Damien and his friends in the class. But Damien is contacted by the Alien A.I causing Damien to change/ merge with a robotic suit that the A.I gave to him previously. Changing into a robotic version, Damien tries to tell his friends but they refuse until they know the truth leading to Damien completely losing his mind to the A.I and becoming a robot.


Next time I think I should add some camera angles into the script as it would make the story boarding process a lot easier, compared to coming up with shots from scratch. Next I shall storyboard the final idea before moving onto editing the final scripts.

The Foolish Thief Storyboards

Using the script draft as a guide I was able to plan a specific scene for the storyboards. Looking through my script I decided to use the scene when Grex is being judged at the trial, this is because the scene seemed really interesting visually so I made the storyboards for this scene. For these storyboards I have sketched out the scene using my blue pencil and then added some extra details to make the characters and background stand out. Anyway I have made these storyboards for this scene by reading through the script draft and sketching out what I thought of visually when reading the different dialogue. I came up with the character designs on the spot as they were what I imagined for each of the personalities. However as I had previous come up with this idea from my ideas portfolio I already had a rough design for the character of Grex having one eye large that the other with some large pointy ears.


Having all of these storyboards planned out I now have some more ideas for editing my script draft, allowing me to further develop the idea in the script format. Next my task will be to draw out the other storyboards for the other scripts allowing me to visualise the different ideas I have for a scene in each script.

Script Treatments

After making 3 script drafts for the 3 of my different ideas I decided to write out a treatment for each of the ideas as seen below. So these treatments contain specific points that help to show my thought processes for how the target audience and main story ideas will be set out. Each of these treatments I have put in; Premise, Logline, Target audience, scope, synopsis and step outline. I have put each of these things into the treatment because we were tasked to add each of these things into our portfolios. Therefore I decided to make all of the features into one document so that everything can be seen together compared to looking through separate documents. Anyway these treatments have been useful as I have included a detailed synopsis which explains my whole idea for each of the stories with the beginning, middle and end allowing me to show my idea for the whole idea instead of just a section.

Treatment documents




Furthermore I have included the target audiences that I researched beforehand. I did look into other age ratings but I thought that keeping the original age ratings would be suitable because the research I did matched with each of my stories so I kept them. In addition I have included gender and interests into the target audience section to help show I have thought about gender and the audiences interests that would attract them to watching the film or reading the script. Because I have interests it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to have those particular interest but instead they are a sort of guide to help show the target audience the things they may be looking for inside the film. I have included Genre into this document allowing me to think of specific ideas that relate to the genre and that would appeal to the target audience. Having the step outline has allowed me to plan out step by step each of the scenes in my script that I have drafted.

I know I should of written these documents before the script drafts but I wasn’t really sure on what the target audience and overall storyline would defiantly be, so I decided to write the scripts as drafts to get a section completed allowing me to build on those sections into full story narratives that could be scripted later on. Next my task will be to storyboard each of the script ideas I have drafted allowing me to see visually how a particular scene may look if was actually produced. The issue I have though is my scripts do not have camera angles which might make it difficult to storyboard. But because I have pictured what the scene looks like visually when reading through each of the scripts I may be able to use the scripts as a guide to plot key elements of the scripts into storyboard format.


3 Script Drafts

After researching into different ideas and features to my 3 different scripts, I decided to draft out all 10 pages for each of my scripts in order to help me see which ideas would work or if I would have to change some of them.  Using Celtx I setup all my scripts with actions and dialogue but no camera transitions or shots because I wanted to focus on the important parts of the script and add the camera shots later on. Anyway using a combination of my research and previous ideas I was able to come up with the 3 scripts where I have selected the parts of the story that I have made previous ideas for so I can have a solid starting point for each of the scripts.

I have come up with the idea for the first script by using a script from my ideas portfolio called the gold thief. I have made this script idea from developing that idea and making it more interesting for the target audience.

Idea 1- The Foolish Thief


Above is the PDF for my first idea, so using Celtx I came up with 3 scenes within the script helping to show the story of the Goblins. So a quickly narrative behind what is going on in this script. We arrive in the Goblin kingdom where King Boogle is shouting down the corridor, calling for his royal adviser Grex. Once arriving in the throne room Grex is told he must deliver a huge chest of gold (almost double the size of him) down to the treasury room to be locked away. Once Grex slowly but surely gets down to the treasury room, Dike one of the king’s royal guard stops him. Soon realising that it is Grex behind the huge chest he lets him into the room, with gold and shiny trinkets around the room. Struggling to get through the door and trying to get some help from the guard, Dike decided to pick the chest up with Grex still holding on and put it on one of the special podiums. Not realising he squashed Grex under the chest Dike leaves the room locking the door behind him. Once escaping from being squashed underneath the chest, Grex realises he is locked in and has to try and fight the temptation to touch the gold. Unable to leave the room Grex becomes mesmerised by the gold and starts trying to unlock the chest. With the attempt of opening the chest, Grex finally opens it to be suddenly inflicted with the famous gold sickness causing him to lose his mind and become obsessed with the gold. King Boogle finds him in the room and after attempting to unlock the door he finally bursts in to find Grex licking the gold coins. Angry with what he has seen King Boogle orders his guards to arrest Grex and start the trail that evening.

Then Grex is held by the guards with a dog collar as Judge Grimme enters the judging podium. After various discussion on how Grex is inflicted with gold sickness, Judge Grimme pulls out a solid gold coin causing Grex to go mad struggling to get out of his restraints. As the crowd see his new strange personality Judge Grimme decides to banish Grex to the caves of gold where he will be trapped in his gold obsession state for the rest of eternity. King Boogle orders his large henchman Belch to throw Grex out of the kingdom, but instead Belch grabs Grex and drop kicks him into the distance.

Consumed by metal 


Above is the PDF file for my script for the second idea. So this script is  separated into 3 scenes which help to tell the story about how the protagonist becomes a machine. So this idea is about A high school boy named Damien McDrake who is going through high school in the highlands of eastern Scotland, with his friends; Nick, Jasmine and Ashley. I set the start of the script where Damien is in science class chatting to his friends about how boring the lesson is, until he is caught out by the teacher Mrs Dee and told to write some answers on the board for the science lesson on chemical equations.  Being quite knowledgeable with science Damien passes all the questions until a strange voice appears in his head. Before the script Damien found a strange alien artificial intelligence which gave him the power/ a robotic suit to fight the nightmares that he was having about the end of the world. Damien soon is taunted by the voice of the A.I till the point where he cannot seem to concentrate and he collapses to the floor passing out from the voices in his head. As the class crowd around him Damien wakes up to find Mrs Dee and the class around him, calling his name to try and wake him up. Rubbing his head Damien attempts to get up to see the nurse when the alarm bell bursts out into a high pitched ringing. Having a practise alarm bell that day the whole class rush outside, leaving Damien and his friends behind because Damien couldn’t get up immediatley so his friends stayed to help.

However after being attacked once more by the alien A.I Damien soon discovers his body was being controlled by the A.I, making him say strange things towards his friends. Suddenly after getting some strange pain on his skin, Damien realises that his skin was slowly turning into metal. But this was not just metal it was the suit that the alien A.I had made for him previously. Feeling like his friends where in grave danger, Damien tells his friends to leave and get out of the room. But unfortunately the power of the A.I becomes too overwhelming for Damien causing his entire body and mind to be under the A.I ‘s control. After scaring Damien’s friends a little the A.I and Damien clash trying to take control of one another, until Damien gives in and is turning into a giant metal, robotic suit. Rushing out of the class Damien’s friends look back to see a giant robot burst out of the school destroying the entire classroom. Terrified the class and the rest of the school run away, causing the robot to notice them and start firing blasts of lasers at them.

Idea 3- Fears from the sun


For this idea I have changed the original title because I felt that the original title seems to simplistic and plus didn’t really make sense that much. Anyway this is the final draft for my script ideas. So the main storyline to this script is that a cabin crew on board a large space station escapes the Earth’s destruction as a nearing supernova destroys the planet leaving only but rocks and dust behind. The script starts when the crew are chilling about the station, chatting and relaxing not knowing that part of the Earth’s core had been attached to one of the stasis pods holding various survivors from Earth. AS the radioactive isotopes flow into the life pod they create a stone like creature from the human inside and use it to try and infect the other survivors. After chilling around the station the crew are called to an emergency meeting in the control room by Captain Merlin. AS Merlin attempts to explain that he may not be around for the whole trip a security alarm goes off, as NOVA the ships A.I finds a anomaly in one of the life pods and tells the crew to investigate. After inspection the crew find fragments of glass broken from what appears to be from inside of the pod. Thinking that something or someone has escaped their pod they looks around to try and find the survivor. Getting a flash of the creature on the monitors Captain Merlin and NOVA advise the crew to leave the corridor before what ever it was gets them.

As Jessica (the pilot) talks to Captain Merlin on the comm, Frankie (the medic and Jessica’s girlfriend) wanders to the end of the corridor after hearing some strange noises echoing through the corridor. Feeling like something was there Frankie looks around only to be snatched by the creature and taken away. As the team look around they suddenly hear Frankie screaming and rush off to go find her.


Each of these 3 ideas has allowed me to explore different ideas and genres for the script ideas as I have decided to make idea 1 into a animation script and the other two into film scripts, This is because the goblin idea is much more comedic and exaggerated which is something a animated movie has, compared to quite direct motions that tell the story. Now having all of these scripts drafted I shall read through them all and get some feedback on some things that could be edited or changed to make the scripts seem more appealing to my chosen target audiences. Furthermore my next task is to start writing out the treatments for each of the scripts, showing specific details for my script ideas such as; target audience and premise.


3 Script Loglines ideas

Loglines- 26 words

Idea 1- The foolish Thief

  • Once a royal adviser to the goblin king….
  • A Royal Goblin adviser is exiled after being inflicted with gold sickness, leading to a rather disturbing obsession.

Idea 2- Consumed by Metal

  • A Young boy is visited by a strange visitor in the highlands of Scotland causing technology and humanity to become one.

Idea 3- Fear of Solar

  • After Earth is dismantled by a nearing supernova, A cabin crew take remaining survivors across the stars, until they are attacked by a mysterious creature who unexplained got aboard.

Target audience age ratings ideas

  • Idea 1- 10+
  • Idea 2- 12+
  • Idea 3- 18+

Using my research into target audience using imdb and BBFC I was able to come up with some rough age ratings for the target audience of each of my script ideas that would be either a animation or film. Therefore I decided to make the age ratings in a format that would be suitable for a film or animation rating.

Research for Idea 3- Fear of Solar

As this idea is mainly involved in space I looked into a lot of space stations on the NASA website to help me develop some ideas on the restrictions the station would have in my story.  Plus I wanted to see how the station would look in real life and try plan out a visual idea of how mine would look to store all the characters. But the main research in the links below was ” what is a supernova”, this is because the main part of the story is the Earth being destroyed by a supernova. Therefore I needed to research how a supernova is made and how it could affect us. So looking into it I found that a supernova is how a star like our sun dies. For instance our sun could either die out and turn into a black dwarf or it would go supernova. So using this research I was able to get the technicalities about supernovas, allowing me to implant the general physics of our solar system into my script idea.



Furthermore because this is a horror/ sci fi film idea based on a space station I straight away thought of two films that have a similar theme. One being Alien and the other being Interstellar. As both of these films involve space stations and space, I thought it would be best to look into them further. Alien is a good example of the horror side to my story because I wanted to have the stone creature jump scare the characters, hiding around the vents of the station. Alien has helped me to see how the creature could be seen by the characters, allowing me to think of way the characters would react to certain situations based on the creatures attacks. Interstellar helped me to see the different ideas involving space travel and the space station idea itself. Because the main idea of this film is to travel through space I thought it would help in thinking of ways to show the space station and how the characters react with each other on board.



Below is some research into stone like creatures that are both humanoid and completely made of stone. Both of these came from the TV show Doctor who, as the weeping angels are stone statues that can kill you and send you back in time. I looked at weeping angels because their stone statue appearance helps to conceive the idea of that if you blink they will move. The idea of making my creatures stone came from these characters because when you think of stone, you don’t see it to be a evil killing monster. But Having these characters as a guide have inspired ideas about how my creature will move around the station. Furthermore the video link below is to another Doctor who creature called time zombies which are humans that have been made to stone by being attacked by previous versions of the stone creatures from the past, that then makes the people into those creatures. So basically a time loop in a way. Anyway the idea did not come from these characters but looking on youtube and seeing this video I instantly thought of some sort of orange like radioactive solar energy peering out of the stone creature to give it a more scary monster.


More links below show my further research into supernovas’ as I wanted to see how our sun would react if it went supernova. From what I can tell from my research if the sun went supernova we would all be dead, because the heat from the supernova would wipe out everything. A quote from the page “If we flew to Pluto we still would not survive”. Therefore what I thought of originally for having the supernova destroying the Earth would essentially happen, because the supernova would be so hot it would kill of life on Earth.  This research has helped to make my film idea slightly more realistic in the sense that when the station tries to escape the supernova it will be a very difficult challenge for the characters, making a interesting plot for the target audience.


Now because I was thinking of making a horror movie I thought about making the target audience a 18+ film, because then I can make some graphic scenes and have the creature interact with the other characters in a way that would look like a scary horror movie. Now the idea of making the film a 18+ was mainly because of films like Alien where they’re are a lot of jump scares and violent, gruesome scenes that help to show the strength and brutality of the creatures.


Therefore having all my research sorted for each of my script ideas I will now start developing some drafts for the scripts, allowing me to plan out my story ideas into 10 page scripts that would tell a specific part of the story without having to try tell the whole story at one point. Next I shall start writing out the script drafts in Celtx allowing me to later get feedback on them and help me to improve the overall concepts/ story lines for each of my 3 scripts.