Editing Treatments




Getting feedback for my treatments I found out the scope section of the treatment was wrong. This is because I put the scope as what had to be done for the deadline so the checklist of the stuff we needed before the deadline. When in fact the scope is the scale of the idea, therefore I changed the scope to explain explain my ideas on what the three scripts would be in a later production. So the first script would be a short animated film, the second a feature film and the third script would be a TV series. So I have explained why my ideas will be made into these different medias and how the scale of the idea will impact the people working on it.

Final Scripts

After looking through and editing my scripts I was able to come up with a finalised script idea for each of my three ideas. Mainly checking through spelling and adding some extra dialogue in some of the scenes I was able to make some interesting script ideas from my original ideas.  I haven’t really changed much from the scripts because getting feedback from my peers, they said that they were all good and made sense.

Most of the changes were spelling and grammar, which I had already thought about changing. Reading through these final scripts I still have not added the camera angles, this is because as I’m writing the scripts, it would be the role of the cinematographer to add in all the camera angles and transitions into the scenes helping to visualise the story. For each of these scripts I have only made simple changes like adding additional dialogue or having a extra action because some of the scenes felt like they were lacking in some actions or the dialogue seemed a little rushed. Although my scripts are suppose to be in the area of 5-10 pages I have done 11 pages for each one because the amount of detail I was going for in each of the scripts was not able to fit it all in 10 pages.

Final script PDFs (below)

The Foolish Thief (draft) V2

Consumed By Metal (Draft) V2

Fears from the Sun (draft) V2

Looking through my scripts I think that next time I should make a number of changes to my process. For instance when writing the scripts I should have the treatments already made so then I can use the whole story to plan a script instead of going off individual ideas that I have made previously. Furthermore I think that having a rough idea for some of the camera angles before doing the storyboards would allow me to have a reference for what part of the scene has a specific shot rather than going off what I have just read. Finally I think that getting feedback earlier on would have allowed me to develop my ideas further compared to feedback from just my scripts, as using feedback for my ideas and planning may have allowed me to add some additional changes to the ideas and scripts. But overall I like how my scripts have come out as they show a interesting part to each narrative and have some different genres, characters and dialogue to show the different variation in my ideas.

Editing Scripts

The Foolish Thief script editing

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Above is a slideshow showing the different edits I have added to the script drafts in order to make the script more interesting. Looking through this script I have added some very simple add ons including; changing the actions and some of the dialogue. Plus I have added some spelling and corrects to some of the words that have been auto corrected. Because I wrote the drafts on my Ipad with the Celtx app, I had words that automatically changed to something else, but I may not have noticed them all. So going through and reading the script I have gone over with a red pen adding simple changes to the draft.

Consumed by Metal editing

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With this script I have edited some of the actions, dialogue and general spelling and grammar. The issues I found in the script drafts were that some of the words were not the right ones or some parts to my script have been auto corrected. Going over the script with a red pen I was able to add some extra actions or parts to the dialogue to allow me to make some of the conversations more appealing to read. Furthermore looking through some of the pages I found that some parts to this text needed some extra actions to describe the scene to the audience. Plus at the very end of the script I added a extra action where the crowd run away from robot Damien as he bursts out of the school and shoots lasers at the crowd.

Fear of the sun editing

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This is the final script I edited, where I have used my red pen to go through all of the script editing each scene. Furthermore I have edited some of the basic words and sentences to make the script more interesting. Plus I have made some simple changes like the other scripts to make it more interesting.

Looking through all these scripts I have made some simple edits adding some adaptations to the spelling and grammar. Plus I have edited the actions so that some of the scenes seem more interesting and so they make sense. These simple edits have made the script more interesting to read because the scene makes more sense and in doing so explains the story more interesting. I think that theses edited scripts are better than the originals because although there is not really any changes to the script themselves the general idea of the narrative is more appealing to read. Next I shall use these adaptations to add them in celtx to make the scripts more appealing to read and help to tell the story to the target audience.

Fear of the Sun storyboards

Using the draft script for the fear of the sun idea I have made these storyboards fore the last scene in the script. In this scene the crew including Frankie, Jessica, Harrison and bobby go down to corridor B to find pod 04 which has been damaged or reported by NOVA as damaged. Getting a call from the boys Frankie and Jessica who were looking at the other pods, rushed over to find a huge crack in the pod and they all realised something or someone might have got out early.  As the captain and NOVA look on the cameras to see whats happening the stone creature comes up on screen making the captain jump with a fright. After Nova scans the creatures they tell the crew to get out of the corridor as the creature is fast approaching. However while the others are talking on the comms, Frankie wanders off to investigate a strange noise at the end of the corridor. But when the crew look around to find Frankie all they hear is a scream for the end of the corridor and they all rush off to go find her.


Having all my scripts drafted and story boarded I can now go onto developing my scripts by getting feedback from my peers to help me with some ideas on how the script may need some improvements. Glancing over them myself I can see that I will need to check spelling and grammar in some of the scenes. Furthermore in this idea some of the storyboards are not in the script as I added them in later, so my next task will be to go through my scripts and add any additional ideas that may help to build the stories. Plus I will edit anything that seems to be incorrect in terms of spelling and I shall read through the script drafts to make sure they make sense.

Consumed by Metal storyboards

Here I have drawn out storyboards for the second idea where I have chosen the 2nd scene in the script. So using the draft as a guide I was able to use that to visualise the story and the key points in the scene, that would help the story. So in this scene Damien has just woken up after being passed out. Rubbing his head Damien tries to get up but the alarm bell goes off leaving Damien and his friends in the class. But Damien is contacted by the Alien A.I causing Damien to change/ merge with a robotic suit that the A.I gave to him previously. Changing into a robotic version, Damien tries to tell his friends but they refuse until they know the truth leading to Damien completely losing his mind to the A.I and becoming a robot.


Next time I think I should add some camera angles into the script as it would make the story boarding process a lot easier, compared to coming up with shots from scratch. Next I shall storyboard the final idea before moving onto editing the final scripts.

The Foolish Thief Storyboards

Using the script draft as a guide I was able to plan a specific scene for the storyboards. Looking through my script I decided to use the scene when Grex is being judged at the trial, this is because the scene seemed really interesting visually so I made the storyboards for this scene. For these storyboards I have sketched out the scene using my blue pencil and then added some extra details to make the characters and background stand out. Anyway I have made these storyboards for this scene by reading through the script draft and sketching out what I thought of visually when reading the different dialogue. I came up with the character designs on the spot as they were what I imagined for each of the personalities. However as I had previous come up with this idea from my ideas portfolio I already had a rough design for the character of Grex having one eye large that the other with some large pointy ears.


Having all of these storyboards planned out I now have some more ideas for editing my script draft, allowing me to further develop the idea in the script format. Next my task will be to draw out the other storyboards for the other scripts allowing me to visualise the different ideas I have for a scene in each script.

Script Treatments

After making 3 script drafts for the 3 of my different ideas I decided to write out a treatment for each of the ideas as seen below. So these treatments contain specific points that help to show my thought processes for how the target audience and main story ideas will be set out. Each of these treatments I have put in; Premise, Logline, Target audience, scope, synopsis and step outline. I have put each of these things into the treatment because we were tasked to add each of these things into our portfolios. Therefore I decided to make all of the features into one document so that everything can be seen together compared to looking through separate documents. Anyway these treatments have been useful as I have included a detailed synopsis which explains my whole idea for each of the stories with the beginning, middle and end allowing me to show my idea for the whole idea instead of just a section.

Treatment documents




Furthermore I have included the target audiences that I researched beforehand. I did look into other age ratings but I thought that keeping the original age ratings would be suitable because the research I did matched with each of my stories so I kept them. In addition I have included gender and interests into the target audience section to help show I have thought about gender and the audiences interests that would attract them to watching the film or reading the script. Because I have interests it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to have those particular interest but instead they are a sort of guide to help show the target audience the things they may be looking for inside the film. I have included Genre into this document allowing me to think of specific ideas that relate to the genre and that would appeal to the target audience. Having the step outline has allowed me to plan out step by step each of the scenes in my script that I have drafted.

I know I should of written these documents before the script drafts but I wasn’t really sure on what the target audience and overall storyline would defiantly be, so I decided to write the scripts as drafts to get a section completed allowing me to build on those sections into full story narratives that could be scripted later on. Next my task will be to storyboard each of the script ideas I have drafted allowing me to see visually how a particular scene may look if was actually produced. The issue I have though is my scripts do not have camera angles which might make it difficult to storyboard. But because I have pictured what the scene looks like visually when reading through each of the scripts I may be able to use the scripts as a guide to plot key elements of the scripts into storyboard format.