This is a script based on the original script for my crime board interpretation, except I have made a few improvements to this script. Talking and reading through the script with my peers in my class I found out that their are some parts of the script that need to be changed. So gaining feedback from my peers I found out that I should of changed the headers to have a time and location, rather than a heading for the scene (title) which is what I did originally. This will help the audience to visualise the scene when reading the script.
Next the dialogue between some the brother and sister were not suitable because there was a lot of shortened words and words that did not fit the character’s personalities. Because they are hacking banks I figured they should be represented as intelligent characters, so I decided to improve the dialogue to make them sound intelligent but also sound like criminals/ within a gang. Because these characters are brother and sister I wanted to have dialogue that would show that, as siblings talk to each other in a certain way compared to when you talk to a friend.
Furthermore there were a few spelling and grammar mistakes that needed to be changed to make the script easier to read for the target audience, whilst also making sense when you read it. The script came out quite nicely, as the feedback allowed me to read through the script more carefully to help me see the improvements that needed to be made whilst also helping me to see where my peers were coming from. So the use of feedback has been very helpful for me to make this version of this script allowing me to make a script that hopefully makes sense to the audience.